Sometimes I just can’t slow down long enough to journal about lies I am struggling with. I have learned over time of using Barb Raveling’s techniques and her app how to use her approach “on the fly!” This recording is a REAL LIVE example of me struggling with a temptation today and how I handled it…
Just so you know how it ended. It is now about an hour an 10 minutes after I recorded that in my car and I am home. No milkshake. YAY! I obeyed God thanks to accountability with you all. 🙂 Obedience feels good. I am not hungry yet!
Then there are times when I just sort of let it all hang out. Today is one of those kinds of posts, because truthfully, those of you who visit this blog probably don’t need the “super-sanctified” version of life. You are living REAL life and you see through the facade when it is put out there.
So, today’s post is taken from an email that I sent a small group of ladies who I am traveling with through the Thin Again book by the Hallidays. I hope it challenges you (in a good way).
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God has been working on a theme in my life recently. Here are some thoughts that have come of it:
How much inspiration do I really need?
How many verses that convict and encourage?
How many great books and devotionals about making great choices?
How many study groups (and goes through the Thin Within book and workbook)?
How many accountability partners?
I have all of the tools, all of the knowledge, all of the conviction and more. I have everything I need for life and godliness, according to God’s Word! I have His Holy Spirit…so what on earth is holding me back?
I am nuts if I think I can be free without SAYING NO TO MY FLESH. The reality is, I have to DO what I know and I may not WANT TO, but then if I don’t want to do it, then I must want to live in bondage more than I want to live in freedom. Living in freedom will take some HARD choices, but God has given me so much to “inspire” me to walk that path.
What really am I waiting for? For it to get easy? It won’t. Or if it does for a while, it might be hard again. I have to say NO to myself just like I do when I want to buy something and can’t afford it, or want to zip around a slow driver, but the double yellow line tells me I can’t, so I don’t (even if no one is looking). I don’t take things I want from the store. I don’t slap my children’s mouths when they are impertinent. I say no to my flesh all the time, so it is high time I do the same with food.
I can keep patting myself on the back (“There, there…don’t worry….”) with an eye to all the things I have to process that have set me up to have this battle with food, such as:
the fact that my mom abused me regarding food/eating as a kid…
the molestations (my dad)
shoving down all the things that were true about our family so I didn’t have a voice as a child
my mom’s suicide attempts (too many to count before I was 16)
my parents’ knock-down-drag-out fights, even though they were “professional” and church people (we had to keep up the appearance) – and the Sheriffs coming to our house because of it!
the emotional and physical abuses of my childhood (in addition to those mentioned above!)
the other things I struggle with and feel “victimized” by more recently in life…
…but the reality is…this is the life God has sovereignly ordained for me to live…NOTHING has come to me that isn’t according to His plan. He intends for me to be VICTORIOUS through all of these things. If I put off obedience and making good choices until I have “processed my junk,” I am, simply, SINNING. I am called to obedience NOW. He calls me to this with gentleness and love—not one shred of condemnation. He KNOWs how hard it is, but he gives me Jesus as the example.
What choice will I make today—EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO? What choice will I commit to offering to Him as a sacrifice? What today will be an expression of my love for him and of dying to self?
What about you? 🙂 (You knew that had to come, right? Really…I would love to hear from you.)
Yesterday was Day 2 of the vacation, day 1 being a travel day. The kids coined the name “DC Death March.” Hmm…I wonder why? LOL!
This trip is probably not what the kids expected. You see, they have never been on a “Conquering Vacation” before. They have only been on “Restful Vacations.” There is a HUGE difference!
You see, my dear husband planned this to be the once-in-a-lifetime, you-won’t-have-us-pay-your-way-ever-again “Conquering Vacation.” So, he wants us to accomplish as much as possible. We homeschool and have been studying US History so this is the deal–time to see in REAL life much of what we have seen pictures of or heard about!
To drive home the point of what a “Conquering Vacation” is, here is our itinerary:
Thursday – travel
Friday and Saturday – Washington, D.C.
Sunday and Monday – Williamsburg and surrounding locations
Tuesday – Chincoteque and Ocean City, Maryland
Wednesday – Independence Hall, Philadephia and Dover Speedway in Delaware
Thursday – Lancaster County and Straasburg, Philadephia
Friday – travel back to California
As you can see, this is DEFINITELY, a “Conquering Vacation!”
Yesterday, the first of two days in DC, we hopped hopped hopped from place to place—at times, literally! We definitely got a LOT of exercise!
We took in:
The Library of Congress
The Capitol
Union Station
The National Archives
The White House
The Washington Monument
The Lincoln Memorial
…then we topped it all off by the ulimate…a march across the Potomac on Memorial Bridge!!!
I think our first objection came from the kids just about the time we were at the Capitol! It was a lot of walking and I realized just how much I have allowed my kids to be sedentary. We will have to fix that when we get home! Hubby and I “paid” for that, quite a bit.
However, God provided joy for me in the entire thing…and I hope that helped my family make it through the rather intensive day. For those of you wondering, Daniel has done FABULOUSLY! Thank you for praying! Michaela seems to be getting sick now, though. We definitely need rest!
The eating situation yesterday was intriguing. I managed to eat 0 to 5 the entire day. Hubby got off providing food for us at a restaurant twice… and we foraged on snacks we had packed the rest of the time. I am grateful to God for HoneyMade Graham Crackers and Skippy Peanut Butter! Oh, how I LOVE my peanut butter!
Today, day 3…we were hung up in horrible traffic jams getting to the Metro so it was late by the time we got to DC. For some reason I was feeling REALLY sick. It was almost 90 degrees and I got very light headed! Go figure! I wondered if I was hungry and wanted something that might get sugar into my blood stream quickly, just in case it was low blood sugar. Funny thing…I had two Oreos (the real kind, not the cracker kind! LOL!) and within minutes I was feeling a lot better, thankfully. I have not had an experience like that in a long time, but I have to assume that I missed a hunger signal.
Today, we hoped to tour the Air and Space Museum at the Smithsonian and maybe Arlington Cemetery and Mt. Vernon. It was so late by the time we got to DC, though, and with Michaela and I both feeling ill…well, we packed up and headed back soon after we got there. I am disappointed on the one hand, but on the other, I know it is best to let it go.
We drove over 2 hours to get to this wonderful condo. Haven’t seen it by daylight yet, but was able to get internet access. It is getting late, but hubby is out at WalMart getting some “provisions” to last us the three nights and days we will be here. (Gotta go cheap, if at all possible!)
I am blessed that so far, my flesh machinery has NOT been operational! I have been filled with the Joy of the Lord for the most part. I know it is HIS joy, as it is FULL. I have had my moments of being cranky, but God has given me an awareness of it and prayer has stopped that behavior in its tracks.
We went to Chili’s restaurant tonight and I was famished. I guess I should be thankful that when the fajitas arrived they were way too salty for me to eat much. So I didn’t eat outside of 0 and 5 today either. Tonight I felt miserable in my stomach and wondered if it was hunger. Again, my signals DO seem to be a bit messed up. I ate a small snack and the discomfort went away. I have to just trust that the Lord will lay it on my heart if it is something I need to give food to and if it is something that can be “cured” with prayer. So far, so good!
I am keeping a food log, observation and correction chart, *and* a hunger graph! It is in a pad in my travel wallet which hangs kind of like a mini-purse from my neck. It is SO convenient and helps me to stay focused. I want to show it to my co-leader of my live TW group when I return so that I can “stay honest” during this trip and not “go on vacation” from 0 to 5 eating or from obeying the Lord. Vacations will NOT be an excuse for disobeying his sweet voice!
P.S. It is 11:30pm here in Virginia and my young man just came out of his room…not yet able to sleep. He is horribly home sick. After making it through the past couple of days perfectly, I guess he is just letting down. If you don’t mind praying some more for him, I know we can get through. Disrupting his routine is very hard for him…and he misses all our animals at home. Thanks so much!
My accountability partner challenged me when she saw some “small” compromises on my hunger graph last week…could I string together seven consecutive days of eating 0 to 5 or between true physiological hunger and satisfaction?
She threw down the gauntlet. (I am pleased she did.)
Today is day 4 of managing this challenge. PRAISE you, Lord!
A few thoughts of things I am learning:
1. The little foxes spoil the vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15)–the little compromises can sneak their way into our lives…and erode things. Enough of that! No more minimizing what can cut away at a root of holiness.
2. I have found that when I am committed to this, eating outside of these parameters just isn’t an option…period. How profound this seems to me.
3. The longer I have gone in practicing eating between hunger and satisfaction, the less obsessed my thoughts are with food. This is good news to many of us!
4. There is a brief moment of temptation. (There it is again…that MOMENT thing!) If I can just make a choice to set aside that temptation in the moment, to reject it…I have found that it passes. That choice is then followed by a number of other “brief” moments where the temptation isn’t present…and during those “brief” moments my heart is flooded with joy from the Holy Spirit because I made the choice to take that moment and thought captive and surrender in obedience!
Some have said in response to my weight changing so much that God has rewarded my obedience. Hmm….
I have to be honest..it hasn’t felt like *obedience* in the way I thought of it during my Weigh Down Workshop years. This has felt like focusing for all I am worth on my Very Great Reward. It has been about HIM. HE is my reward. (Not weight loss.) I get the Reward *first*…which is HIM…as I focus on HIM and delight in him, some changes happen in my life…and one of them “just happens” to be weight falling off my body. It is a very different mindset for me. Reverse from what it was in Weigh Down.
For me, when I had the attitude in Weigh Down that “God will reward my obedience,” that almost made it sound like “I will do my part and then God, by golly, better do His…” It was arrogant and prideful. God wanted to change my heart first PERIOD. He wanted to change my focus. He wanted me to delight in the goal reached already…the privilege of knowing Him, fellowship with Him, of being close with my Abba Father. There is no “If this…then this…” because Jesus already did it all. As I began to just live what was already purchased for me, to delight in the gifts he paid for with His own blood, things began to just happen inside and out… I think I had it backwards before. The focus wasn’t on the Lord then…It was on my weight. No wonder I struggled! If the focus is on the weight, it is always negotiable. But if the focus is on the Lord and delighting myself in HIM, well, it isn’t negotiable…that is what I will do for eternity, I may as well get started now! 🙂
