by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 26, 2007 | Blog
I have decided to open up a Thin Within Yahoo Group…if you are interested, visit http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TrulyTW/
It wil be moderated.
Another bit of news is that I think God is calling me not to replenish a certain food that I seem to be allowing to control me! While all things are permissible, not all things are beneficial and I have given this particular food mastery over me…so I think for a season I will fast from this particular food.
YIKES!
FREEDOM does not mean FREE TO EAT
It means free NOT TO HAVE TO EAT!
When I can be free NOT to eat when I think of this food and, in fact, NOT think of this food constantly…like it is OWED to me daily…THEN, maybe it will be time to let go of the fast…but for now…I choose to master this lust….by submitting to God in this…
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 20, 2007 | Blog
My husband has gotten confused about the different book titles…Thin Again and Thin Within, not able to remember which is which. So, my name for today’s entry is a take off of the way we end up butchering the titles of the books (in fun, of course).
The reason is because I am reading Thin Within …well…Again! LOL! So, today’s entry is Thin Within Again…I have read this material more times than I can count, but NEVER from this perspective…as one leading others through it and with so much that God has done in my life physically, emotionally and spiritually in the past 10 months (since I began this journey again…).
So today, when I began to read and complete Chapter 2 in the Thin Within book, I was surprised by some things! I mean REALLY surprised! I was completing the survey and I was stunned by the things that have changed in me…WOW!
- I am more comfortable with myself and my personality than a year ago when I took the survey. Yes, I aspire to be more like Jesus, but I am not hating being in my own skin…I see God IS at work and I can rest in that.
- I am extremely optimistic that I can change where as last November when I began, I wasn’t. I’ve seen changes in me physically, sure…but also in deeper things that have come out through my horsemanship…and in my walk with the Lord. Things that encourage me a lot to believe God for more.
- I no longer fear derailing my own goals. Weight goal has been surpassed, but also goals with my horses. These may sound worldly or frivolous, but they are deeper…my fears after coming off my horses so much a few years ago had to be overcome and God has personally been walking me through all of these as well as my weight goals.
- I was ALWAYS self-conscious before. Now I am not nearly so much so. Yes, this insidious way that pride works its way into my life is still an issue for me, but not nearly so much as it was before. Last November, I marked 10 when I did this survey. This time, I am closer to a 3 or a 4.
- My heart isn’t nearly so empty feeling. God has been walking with me and to remove this area of habitual sin from my life has opened up the flood gates of my fellowship with him. Yes, I still have struggles…but it isn’t the stronghold that it was.
- I don’t have nearly the level of fear that I once did about releasing my life to God.
- God doesn’t seem nearly so distant.
- I am living my life more acording to how GOD sees me–as a conqueror in Christ, as a victor! Now what I believe about the Word of God and what I see in my life actually seem to be more synchronous with one another. There isn’t a huge gap between my belief and my experience.
I praise you, Lord, for these amazing changes. I pray that I would continue to cling to you and allow you to work your will in my life. Remove any tendency toward arrogance and pride. Make me humble (yikes, I fear praying that!). Be exalted and may my life point to you, your grace, your goodness, your love, that YOU are more than enough…In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 19, 2007 | Blog
Well, there they are…sitting on the counter. The nap was sort of ineffective. I will be leaving for my meeting in 15 minutes. Right now, I am basking in the scent in the house…no temptation to carve into the brownies, praise Jesus!
Reading the forums at thinwithin.org and someone wrote something that was straight from God’s own heart to my own. The upshot is… “Press on!” God doesn’t want me camping on my previous successes or camping here trying to figure out what has gone wrong..why I am not still feeling free…He wants me to cling to him, press on and in to him…cling to him with tenacity.
So that is what I am about right now today.
If I don’t post how I do about the brownies, I hope some of you who may visit my blog will email me and ask. I want to be accountable for this!
🙂
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 19, 2007 | Blog
The weather…she is a changing…I found out last winter quite by accident that some of my flesh machinery is WEATHER CHANGES!!!! I am a FAIR WEATHER person…and I despise wind…and rain…and we have a big old storm brewing. The first one of the fall…YIKES!!!!! (Need those emoticons, I so desperately miss!)
Anyhow, case in point…my dear daughter (Michaela, 13) wants to bake brownies. 6 months ago, I felt a freedom to have her do that any time…I could have a bit of brownie or not…no big deal having the pan in the house. In fact, when I finally got around to cleaning my kitchen one day I found a pan of partially eaten brownies (all the edges…my favorite part…were left) underneath another pan…totally forgotten! I felt so FREE in that moment!
Today, when she asked if she could bake brownies, I PANICKED! I said NO WAY! I feel stress about the upcoming women’s retreat welling up in me…and the weather is making me wiggy, too….and I would LOVE to plant my face into a fresh pan of brownies, chasing it with vanilla ice cream and a diet soda. YUP! That sounds wonderful to me right about now…So I told her not right now…
Nuts if she didn’t ask me later…I asked her why my no doesn’t mean no and she stated honestly “Because you didn’t SAY ‘no,’ but said ‘Not right now!'” Smart kid…ahem…
Well, I told her she could go ahead…now she is 15 feet behind me…making brownies…I am going to go take a nap…so I don’t have to smell them!!!!! (And beause I am tired.) Then, when I get up I will leave the house for a meeting I have…
OH LORD! STRENGTHEN ME! Why have I returned to this place where I live intimidated by a pan of brownies???? What is UP with that?????
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 18, 2007 | Blog
God never ceases to amaze me. What an incredible privilege. After hoping and praying (on and off) for SEVEN years (!!!) that I could be involved with women face-to-face (not only online) to walk through the Thin Within material, that is now happening! I am so thrilled!
Monday morning I had the joy of having my first meeting with a lady at my church who wants support going through the Thin Within book. I SO enjoyed her company and I delight that God has provided her in *my* life to offer added accountability and prayer support as well. We are using the little study guide that Pam Sneed and I put together some years back and that the Thin Within Company (thinwithin.org) now has available for the cost of printing. I already am really enjoying being a participant again! 🙂
Today, I read the introduction material in the book and the first day’s worth…the first chapter. Boy…it is soooo weird to be in this place…instead of starting reading trying not to be afraid to hope, I am at a weight I never dreamed of being…God has done so much in my physical body…I know that it has been him. (There is so much work yet to be done in my heart, though…it almost seems like it isn’t right…) I have been applying the principles of Thin Within pretty faithfully (generally) for 10 months now and released 80 pounds or so (a few more fell off while at horse camp…go figure…I am not convinced they will stay off…).
Today, I journaled as I read the first chapter of the book again and these thoughts came to my mind and heart:
I know my heart is still (again?) not fully surrendered. I have changed what I *demand* certainly. What I declare ever-so-subtly as “my rights” may not be quite the quantity they once were…but I still have a defective–no, let’s call it what it is…a SINFUL–heart attitude! It needs to be submitted to the Lord!
I see that I have wandered consistently from applying the Keys to Conscious Eating. While I am not restricted to a series of laws…the keys are helpful. I want to recommit to eating only when I am truly physiologically hungry. It is like I know what I can get away with to stay at this weight now…but what if God wants to remove more weight from me? Of course, the weight isn’t the point…I KNOW that he doesn’t want me to cling to the things I cling to (Oreos, for starters). I should cling only to him!!! But it is like I know what I can get away with and so I keep sneaking or something…
Another Key I need to apply is to eat more slowly…boy, I can still inhale food and when it is less food than it used to be, it is gone in nothing flat! I also need to savor each bite. I need to pay more attention to the food. This morning, I actually read EMAIL while eating! Good grief! I wonder if I have been doing that for long? When I was done, I realized I hadn’t given Daisy (my dog) the bites I usually do…and that meant I hadn’t been mentally present for my breakfast!
As I think ahead to leading the Thin Within class starting October 3, some things have really struck me. A big focus of Thin Within is to encourage the participant: 1.) To no longer be anxious about food or SELF and 2.) to learn to trust the body God has designed…that it is reliable for telling us when and what we need to eat and when to stop.
It occurred to me that these two things may seem pretty near impossible for some participants to imagine! It is really something to be looking at this material from a completely different place…I am so thankful that God has a wonderful way of making all things new…He is doing a new thing yet again…wow. Thank you Lord.
Lord, I desire to really be surrendered. Please do your work in me. In Christ Jesus’ Name, Amen.
by Heidi Bylsma | Sep 16, 2007 | Blog
Goodness! What is God up to? (Why doesn’t blogger have smiley faces? LOL!)
October 3rd begins my first real live LIVE group! I will be leading a live group for women at my home church. I am excited and nervous! On Monday (day after tomorrow) I will begin meeting with a lady who will be in accountability with me…she will help pray me through leading this group. I am very excited and I hope she grows through the experience and experiences goals of becoming healthier too. I SO need support.
This week, I was gone ALL week at bible horsemanship camp. It was quite an intense week. WONDERFUL, but they schedule everything. While I wasn’t totally on their program (I took my own breakfast foods and foods I could eat if hungry), the lunch and dinners were so amazing…I hadn’t eaten that richly in a long while. I am paying for it today with a stomach in upheaval! I hadn’t realized just how much my palate had changed! WOW! Tomorrow I will weigh and see if there was any damage…I know the truth without weighing…I didn’t submit completely to the Lord. Some, yes, but I went back for another bit of home made cheesecake last night (oh my word, was that yummy and I think it is what pushed me over the edge with my tum tum at 3:30am when I was whining in the outhouse, shivering my socks off! LOL!…sorry…too much info, I bet! LOL!)…anyhow, that little tidbit of cheesecake isn’t the problem, but the attitude of pride is…that says I can do what I want and get away with it…that was with me a bit more than I would like to admit this week.
I munched on granola and almonds when I was hungry, but there were times when I had to really stop and evaluate…AM I hungry? Or am I just wanting to CRUNCH?
:-/
Well, here is to regaining my focus right now!
Lord, I reject the toe-hold that the enemy is attempting to get in my life. I know his plans for me ARE for Harm…to hurt me, to warp my mind, to thrash me, to give me a terrible “future,” one burdened and with NO hope. But you have set me free from that! Shall I return to slavery! NO WAY! Thank you, Lord, that your grace is enough for me! In the precious Name of Jesus, AMEN!
