I went to the doctor today because I am sick and wondered if I have an infection of some kind. Things look much better than they feel, I guess! LOL!
But here is the news…
1.) The last time I weighed at the doctor’s I was 66 pounds heavier than I weighed today! WHOO HOO!!!!!!
2.) After looking at my chart of all my blood pressure readings that I have been doing lately, the physician assistant agreed with me…no more meds for high blood pressure. I was dizzy taking them because my BP was too low!
WHOO HOO!
Love it love it love it! THANK YOU LORD!
I remember last fall being so FEARFUL that I would die of a heart attack or stroke…and I have freedom from that fear…I am so stunned at all he has done.
Some have said in response to my weight changing so much that God has rewarded my obedience. Hmm….
I have to be honest..it hasn’t felt like *obedience* in the way I thought of it during my Weigh Down Workshop years. This has felt like focusing for all I am worth on my Very Great Reward. It has been about HIM. HE is my reward. (Not weight loss.) I get the Reward *first*…which is HIM…as I focus on HIM and delight in him, some changes happen in my life…and one of them “just happens” to be weight falling off my body. It is a very different mindset for me. Reverse from what it was in Weigh Down.
For me, when I had the attitude in Weigh Down that “God will reward my obedience,” that almost made it sound like “I will do my part and then God, by golly, better do His…” It was arrogant and prideful. God wanted to change my heart first PERIOD. He wanted to change my focus. He wanted me to delight in the goal reached already…the privilege of knowing Him, fellowship with Him, of being close with my Abba Father. There is no “If this…then this…” because Jesus already did it all. As I began to just live what was already purchased for me, to delight in the gifts he paid for with His own blood, things began to just happen inside and out… I think I had it backwards before. The focus wasn’t on the Lord then…It was on my weight. No wonder I struggled! If the focus is on the weight, it is always negotiable. But if the focus is on the Lord and delighting myself in HIM, well, it isn’t negotiable…that is what I will do for eternity, I may as well get started now! 🙂
I got on the scale this morning and I guess it was 10 pounds less than on April 1! I was surprised! The total gone from my body is 62 pounds and I feel SO much better. Given my goal was 50 by now …given that God has had SO much work to do in my heart…I am SOOOOO THRILLED!!!! I can hardly believe the work He has done.
When I began this blog in November of 2006, it was BY FAITH when I called it “God is Doing a New Thing.” I knew the promise of scripture that God IS doing a new thing, but I also knew my own track record…for years, whenever I started back on the path again, I would derail my efforts.
But God is busy at work completing that which he began and by the time I get to heaven he will! LOL! I do feel so much better and I am thankful that the shame is gone. I don’t agonize each week (before church) about what to wear (I know…how worldly minded of me!), and I don’t obsess. Lately, I have been sick and I just haven’t felt up to execising. My REAL life takes a lot out of me. I am not used to being sick, having been healthy for quite a while, so I just let go of my desire to exercise, knowing that my body won’t demand as much food.
There is such freedom here.
Lately, God has been showing me more and more that my body needs less food than I even thought. It isn’t an “anorexic” thing either. It just is the way my body is. Sometimes, I get quite an attitude about it and I hope to see this GONE soon, too. I would like to release ALL hold that I have to food except as fuel. But I still love the things I love just SO much.
One thing, though, that concerns me is that there is still this insidious root of pride and arrogance that seems to weave its way through too many of my thoughts and the moments of life. I want it ERADICATED!
God has shown me recently that I continue to have an ungodly attachment to food. Granted, not like it was, but I haven’t yet experienced total freedom. I know that it pleases him for me to delight in meals that are God-ordained. But I am really blown away by how little it takes to sustain by body. I am so thankful that I have a supportive family that doesn’t obsess about how little I am eating. I am plenty healthy. Gosh, I haven’t been sick at all this year…not since last spring (I think)…not really.
God has shown me that the tiny little snack-wrap, for instance, that I buy at McDonalds when we go is actually a bit more than I need most of the time. What a great surprise! I just assumed that McDonalds can tell me how much I need to eat! LOL! So now, I have been leaving the last 1/4 or so of the snack wrap and tossing it in the trash…I do that before we are done with the meal so that I won’t eat it while I wait for others to finish. Next thing is I want to learn to slow down my eating so much that I pace myself to finish when others do.
Releasing more food and more weight…the best part of it is my heart is lighter.
Boy…yesterday was horrible. I turned my back on the Lord–the lover of my soul. Ok, it didn’t start out as blatant rejection and a hard heart, but that is where it was by the end of the day! BAH!
I had terrible gas all day. Not sure why. That made it pretty tough to feel hunger. BUT, when in doubt, I know better than to just throw food down my throat. I used it as an excuse.
I was massively hungry between Sunday School and the church hour and had a donut. I think that was the last time I felt hunger all day long. :-/
Hubby wanted to go out for lunch and I told him I wouldn’t be hungry for a long while. At 1pm I thought I was hungry, though…briefly. But it went away and I should have waited. I decided to eat anyhow. I cut our burger so I had a tiny “half” off the side and fries, but I know I wasn’t eating 0 to 5, I just at it because.
Then throughout the day, I began to grab at tidbits of food. Not a lot, but that has never been the point. It isn’t the what or how much of the food. It is the WHY and the hardening of the heart when God whispers His desire to me.
I ended the night with mounds of salsa…which I justified as being the only way I eat vegetables. But GOD said NO! Again, I turned my back (and I KNEW I was turning my back)…and I chased the VERY hot salsa with ice cream…good grief.
There were two things that struck me powerfully:
1. The shame that came flowing freely back into my life. Wow.
2. The fact that pride really was at the root of all of this…doing what I wanted with my body, thank you very much.
There is NO room for these things in my life if I am to continue to walk FAITHFULLY with the Lord and live free forever.
So, today, observe and correct. If “gas” keeps the signals for hunger unclear, I won’t eat. Plain and simple. I will ask GOD if I can eat…and stop when he says. I will practice today having a soft heart and perhaps then I will once again. I have felt this rebellion coming on for a while. I should have been on my guard, but I guess I just didn’t WANT to be.
Hubby and I bought a blood pressure monitor. I had been having a lot of dizzy spells, so thought it prudent to start monitoring my blood pressure. Hubs’ blood pressure has been going up recently…another reason for a BP monitor…to see what is going on with him.
Anyhow, since I started monitoring my BP, I have been floored at the consistency of the lower readings.
Just now after resting a few minutes after exercise, I took my BP and it was 104 over 62 with 73 pulse…after exercise, I was a bit surprised.
Often, my BP is below 110 (systolic) and 70 (diastolic).
I have been on medicines for my blood pressure, so I hope that when I go for my next physical, the meds might be reduced significantly.
