Have I ever confessed how I feel about traveling? I hate traveling. I am a homebody! I love being home. In fact, my husband and kids can have a great time without me and I delight in the alone time at home. Sounds sad, doesn’t it?
But God has put it in my heart to actually look forward to this now. My kids–Michaela 13 and Daniel 15–their wonderful Dad and I are heading to the east coast. We live in California, so this isn’t just around the corner. This will be the biggest trip we have ever taken…the farthest, the most “hopping around.” We are going to Washington D.C., Virginia (Richmond and Williamsburg), Maryland to see the Chincoteague “wild” horses, Philadephia to see the Liberty Bell and things like that, and Lancaster County to enjoy the Amish folks and some railroad stuff the boys want to see.
This is a LOT of traveling! YIKES!
I noticed the last two times i have been on a trip that my “Flesh Machinery” would kick in that said “I am on vacation from eating 0 to 5, too!”
So, I am starting this trip planning on having a godly boundary IN TACT. I will remain committed to 0 to 5 except in those instances where the Lord shows me I need to release that to him. I know that happens at times. He has shown me that I can turn 0 to 5 into a law. Like if we have a layover and this is the only chance to eat…well, I will ask the Lord if he wants me to wait or eat with the family. I know that I can go a lot longer without food than in the past…I am not terrified of being hungry any more. But I also know it is OK if He leads me to eat with my family to do so in moderation.
So, I am taking my hunger graphs with me. I have a pocket sized one I can fit in my wallet too. Perfect for keeping honest while I am gone. I may commit to my live Thin Within group tonight that I will SHOW them my hunger graphs from the trip when I return…for added accountability! EEEK!
So, boundaries will be traveling with me. I will focus on drinking a lot of water, as the when I returned from Tulsa, I had bloated a LOT. About 10 pounds worth of bloating! Fortunately, it wasn’t fat weight, but was true water retention. So I know that traveling can do that to me.
Well, that is all the rambling for now. Please pray for us. My son is stressing. He is fearful…and is somewhat claustrophobic…well…a lot, I guess.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5-6 Wow…God has ordained that food taste wonderful! Think of all the wonderful foods there are out there. And we have the amazing opportunity to FUEL our bodies with it 2, 3, sometimes even more each day! Isn’t that a blessing!?
God has given us so much. He has done it within certain parameters–certain boundaries.
But how like Eve I can be! God gave to Adam and Eve all the trees of the garden except for one! They could eat of ALL the trees…except one. There was…a boundary! What did they fixate on? What they couldn’t have! Instead of focusing on all they COULD have, they focused on what they couldn’t.
Satan saw this weakness and cast doubt in their minds… “Surely God didn’t say you couldn’t have that yummy fruit…” And when that wasn’t enough to cause Eve to cave in, Satan tried the old “God is holding out on you” ploy! “Just look at all you can’t have!”
I don’t know about you, but it is so easy for me to get sucked into this thinking. Instead of praising God for the bounty from which I get to enjoy fueling my body, instead of praising God for how efficiently he has made my body so that it needs so little food, I become focused on all I want that is outside of godly parameters. I get the “God is holding out on me” attitude going. Especially when I see what others are eating…and some even seem to get away with it!
I want to really focus today on praising and worshiping and thanking God that he has made so many wonderful tasting foods and that he has ordained that I get to fuel my body with this wonderful tasting food. I will praise him that he has made my body able to function so well on so little! It is a testimony to his perfection, his creativity!
Instead of focusing on what I can’t have, today, I will focus on all I can. Indeed, His boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places!
Life has been quite busy since I returned from my trip to see Jan. God is just reaffirming to me again and again that worship, praise, giving gratitude to him is the heart of life. It is really hard to walk in sin when I walk in worship. Worship causes me to exalt God to his rightful place. It places me beneath his authority. It puts me where I belong–it humbles me. Pride can’t exist when I worship, praise and exalt the Lord no matter what happens.
When it comes to eating…this is vital. If you struggle with returning again and again to behaviors that you know are hindering your walk with God, try to stop everything and anything else and take time to praise and worship God just for who He is. Take time to sing to him, to journal prayers about everything you are grateful for. Go through the psalms that praise Him specifically and say outloud how thankful you are for His attributes: “God I praise you that you are sovereign, that you know the end from the beginning–that NOTHING is beyond your sight!” “God I praise you for your provision and creativity. The fact that I am even capable of overeating demonstrates that I live in bounty. Thank you.” …and so on…
If you try this, take note of what happens. If you feel tempted, start worshiping God. If you feel like you have had a great day, worship God. If you feel downcast, worship God. If you feel worried, worship God.
I know it sounds simplistic and trite, but something amazingly powerful happens when we worship God. Barnabas and Silas were in prison and when they praised God, their chains fell off. They were free. Maybe there is a lesson for us there… 🙂
When I get off track, it sure seems like it is a barometer…have I been worshipping God? Have I been praising Him? Have I allowed my focus to become ME centered again? Praising, worshiping, giving gratitude to God is a wonderful antidote.
“…to put restrictions on the diet for the purpose of gaining favor with God is wrong. God says that all foods are to be received with thanksgiving (verse 4) because the kingdom of God is not a matter of food and drink but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
“Why is this truth important to those who wish to lose weight? The answer is that the Christian only changes as he or she focuses intently on Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), and not on food or any other such distraction.
The major problem with most diets is that they draw the attention to food; either to deny certain foods (i.e., vegetarianism, low-fat diets, etc.) or to focus on the content of the food (such as counting points, calories, fat grams, or carbs).
Now for the one who has an adulterous affair with food, these diets are good and acceptable because they allow us to think about food all day long.
But, to the one who desires a pure heart and a single mind, continual thoughts of food is not acceptable, for we recognize it as idolatry.
Instead, we are encouraged to simply enjoy any food in moderation … This is God’s way of spiritual and physical health. It’s much simpler, takes much less time, maintains our focus where it should be, and produces good and lasting results.
(From The Lord’s Table, Day 55 – Mike Cleveland)
I share this because someone mistakenly thought I had lost all my weight with Weight Watchers and that I was now maintaining with Thin Within. I did lose 100 pounds with Weight Watchers in 1995-1996. When I began releasing weight in the summer of 2006 and, more diligently, in November of 2006, I did it only by applying the principles of Thin Within with mesh beautifully with the quote above from The Lord’s Table course. I was 70 pounds heavier at that time than at my “goal” from Weight Watchers.
Every bit of the weight removed this time…all 100 pounds (70 that I had gained back, plus 30 more)…has been released by eating whatever food I chose, not counting a single point, calorie, fat gram, or logging a single thing. The primary tool has been to focus on the Lord and to ask him about it all…to lean on Him, to thank Him for His will, His way. I am thankful because after losing 100 pounds with Weight Watchers, I gained a heart that was glued to food, worshiping it all the more, just like the quote above mentions. My testimony is long, but may be found here. Releasing weight this way…through the principles of eating when I am hungry, stopping when I am not hungry, and leaning on the Lord for all the other reasons I might go to food…it ministers to my whole heart and soul. It doesn’t just treat the symptom (being overweight), but goes to the heart focus…to get that heavy, I had to be very greedy and gluttonous. God continues to work on me…while the work outwardly may appear to be “done,” the work inwardly is tremendously involved. Each day uncovers a new layer of hidden muck and mire that the Lord wants me to be free from. I praise Him that this is *not* just about my weight, but about so much more. .
Ok…silly me. I thought that going home would produce flesh machinery. HA!
(Note: For those who don’t know, “Flesh Machinery” is that which causes us to be lured or drawn to food when we aren’t physically hungry. It is things that are in our emotional or habitual or even just mental programming that kick in like being on “auto-pilot”…like when a DVD is on, we go for the microwave popcorn or when Mom comes to visit, we begin foraging through the pantry for the chips…all without concern for physical hunger and satisfaction.)
If I thought going home would be tough relative to flesh machinery, it never crossed my mind how much rougher it could be not to even GET home!
Today, I got to the Tulsa International Airport and my flight to Dallas Fort Worth was …delayed…the airport in DFW was closed for weather. We got off the plane. Then they had a new departure time…we boarded again….then, the news came that the airport in DFW was closed ALL day due to weather! Oh my word! I am NOT a traveller and this is one reason why. Coming here I got scared out of my wits at DFW so I was thrilled that if I had to miss my flight home, that it was before I got to DFW. So, I am here with Jan another day. I sure had a lot of scary moments before I was reunited with Jan with my luggage in her car heading back to her house, though! I am a weather and travelling weanie! Both at once and I am a basket case!
My new flight will leave tomorrow about 5pm from Tulsa. I fly to Dallas Fort Worth and from there fly to Sacramento, getting in at 9:30pm or so.
Flesh Machinery…yes, there is a lot…the emotional turmoil of adjusting my mind to leaving my dear friend behind, psyching myself up for the travel (I hate to travel…have I said that yet?), the knowledge that my sister and mom and husband need me to take care of business with my Mom (many phone calls and emails since the last time I wrote about this in the last entry), feeling sorry for myself: “Lord, why did this have to happen?” (poor baby!), the disappointment/logistics about cancelling my Thin Within class tomorrow night since I won’t be there to lead it, oh golly gosh..I could write a million more things that I could complain about…all of which send me into an emotional topspin…wanting the REST of the chocolate bar (the big one, with almonds…the DOVE one…) that is over there on the counter!!!!!!!
So…instead of eating…inhaling…that mongo sized Dove chocolate bar (the one with the almonds that is open over there on the counter), instead of continuing with my list of all the reasons I am a basket case right now…I choose to take captive this moment (these moments!) and to give praise and thanks to God…
Thank you, God, that I am here with a friend who loves me instead of spending the night in a lonely hotel room in a city where a tornado could come from nowhere and eat me alive! Thank you, Lord, that my husband is a doll to be willing to stay with my kids, be homeschool teacher, Mr. Mom, care for the horses, dogs, and also try to do his regular job….wow, Lord. He is amazing. AND he has been trying to get the bathroom all fixed up while I am gone…I know he has gone to a lot of trouble, Lord…God, thank you that Daniel (my almost 16-year-old) is getting along so well with Mr. Shaun, our neighbor doing the tile work. What a blessing that is! I hope that they can connect on a wonderful new level. Lord, thank you that my Mom just called me. If she is nothing else, she is giggly and silly. That is a good thing (even if the ER staff think she has Alzheimers…). Thank you! Ok…Lord, I am PRAISING YOU for all the good things that you give. Thank you for Jan and her husband, Ali, and their wonderful hospitality. I love my friend. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
Flesh machinery need not have the final word. Being controlled by the Spirit instead of all the “poor me” thoughts and other flesh machinery stuff….one moment at a time, taking captive this moment for you, Lord (and the chocolate bar doesn’t look quite so tempting when I praise YOU!).
Some may wonder why I posted the video in the previous entry. Merely because of just how powerful a thought it is to realize that Jesus laid down His very life for me to have freedom. If it is for freedom that I have been set free by the blood of Christ, I don’t want to settle for anything less than what he paid such a high price to give to me. I won’t let go until I am sure I have squeezed every bit of what Jesus wants for me out of life!
I am still at my friend’s house in Tulsa. I will be boarding a plane tomorrow morning. I will arrive back in California at 1:30 in the afternoon–about 6 or 7 hours after I depart (when you account for the time difference).
What awaits me in California has been hollering at me in email all week…
Mom Stuff.
Do any of you have an elderly Mom–with whom you may have had a tumultuous relationship growing up? Do you have a Mom who tries you? Who is, perhaps, a bit senile, maybe rude, very very needy and for whom you must bend over backwards?
My Mom is 83 and has been having a rough go of things the past couple of weeks. But it seems like all pandemonium has broken loose since I left. Thing is…this is the same Mom who is referred to in my testimony shared here in these pages. God has worked forgiveness in me, but it still tries me to the brink to deal with some of the things she brings on.
Most of the time, no…it is blessedly sweet, given our history.
But then there are other times.
So I go home, knowing that I may walk *into* a situation where my “flesh machinery” often kicks into gear. “Mom Stuff…” – dealing with my elderly Mom, the emotions that rage when feelings plague me that were birthed in my very dysfunctional childhood.
I know that the same King and Lord who chose to go to the cross for me infuses each moment I choose to set aside my will and my way with His blessing. Just knowing that I am serving my Mom…well, it is one of the rare moments I can choose to be like Jesus who gave himself for all mankind…even while we were yet sinners. To demonstrate so great a love.
So, I will return home prepared for what will hit–the flesh machinery that seems to lure me, draw me, to food when I am not hungry. I will resist and pray my way through knowing that if He could lay down his life for me (as one friend says), I know I can lay down food that I want when I am not hungry for Him no matter how strong the emotional pull.
I know through experience now that food will not make the agitation go away, but will only serve to make me more agitated, more irritable, more moody…not less. If I can walk through the coming trials with joy I am sure that I will experience “soaring on wings of eagles.” If I choose to wait on the Lord instead of rushing face first into a hot fudge sundae I know joy will be in that place…joy that lasts…
Well, if I needed any proof that my attachment to diet soda and food are connected I certainly have gotten it! I began my progressive “weaning” off of caffeinated diet soda last week…and I am trying to drink more water and less caffeine-free diet soda as well.
I found that especially the first four days or so, I had an attitude going on. “Ok, if I can’t have my diet soda, I will just have that extra cookie! SO THERE!” This attitude was present for a few days and my eating suffered dramatically! EEEK!
That is true confessions for you. If you (or I) think that our artificially sweetened beverages have nothing to do with our eating…I bet we all are mistaken about that! I wonder if that is why 1 Corinthians 10:31 says:
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
It makes sense. Eating is about taste and texture for me. Drinking is, too. I love the carbonation of soda. So, for me, eating and drinking, both about taste and texture are wrapped up in the same question…”Will I give this to God? Will I be mastered by anything but Him?”
I am traveling right now–visiting a friend I met online in 2000 when we connected in a yahoo group and encouraged eachother as we read through the Thin Again book (by the Hallidays). We got together in person that first year FIVE times. Now we are fortunate if it is once or twice in a year. Our friendship is one of the biggest blessings I have ever experienced and it all began because of our hearts connecting over this issue. I am so thankful for her support, prayers, and encouragement. Back in November of 2006 as I was struggling with really even bothering with trying *yet* **again**, my friend prayed me to a point of caring. It is easy for me to forget that, but I believe God used her to kick me in the pants every bit as much as the online group that asked me to lead them in a study of the Thin Within book! (More, really…)
Anyhow, ordinarily, traveling would provide a lot of challenges in eating and drinking to honor God, but my friend is incredibly supportive. She is only encouraging me. It is such a blessing.
The rebellious attitude I had as I began my attempt to remove diet soda from my life has evaporated. It isn’t gone completely…but I am eating 0 to 5 on this trip. Thank you, Lord, for supportive friends, a loving family that lets me go away from home for a week and cares for all the animals while I am gone, and just the blessing of knowing you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Have you ever been blindsided? Out of nowhere comes something that throws you into emotional turmoil and you don’t even realize it until some internal (and maybe external) damage has been done?
Today I am thankful that God redeems these things…these things that I could so easily call “failure.”
You know, some have told me in email that I am a “poster child” for Thin Within…that they “admire” me and “look up” to me. Gosh, please don’t feel that way. Being in the limelight declaring God’s praises and what He has done in me physically has also put me on the front line of assault by the enemy. And, frankly, I am not always willing to stand firm and fight. Sometimes I am not willing to resist. Sometimes, I cave BIG time.
And sometimes…I simply am…well…a FRAUD.
Last Thursday afternoon, I found myself in the earliest stages of spirtual assault. Blindsided. I had no idea it was going to hit. In fact, in my pride, I had been arrogantly presuming “Hmmph…with the change in weather, and being more active, with my hunger signals being fewer and farther between, any fat I may possibly have left on my body will evaporate! This has gotten so easy….”
Oh yes…so easy…
Interestingly enough, at the same time I was blindsided, I had chosen to begin to deal (yet again) with a MAJOR stronghold in my life–diet soda. Whether it be diet soda with caffeine or without makes no matter to me. I LOVE bubbles and I LOVE the SWEET taste of diet soda. I was willing to lay down Oreo milkshakes for a season, but dump the diet soda? NO WAY!
In the past year, I had found one particular diet drink that eclipsed all the others…by leaps and bounds in fact…The taste of this drink is UNSURPASSED (I will NOT tell you what it is, as, after having done that with one friend, she now blames ME for her addiction! ). To willingly set it aside…for WATER??? Yuck..no way! Or that is how I felt about it until I practically evaluated what it will be like to travel for a week (I leave on the 12th) and then another week in April and HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO have my special stash of diet soda with me. Talk about being in captivity! In fact, I wasn’t even MOTIVATED by the conviction in my heart put there by the Lord. I kept ignoring that…it wasn’t until I fathomed how *embarassed* I would be if I *had* to have my diet soda the entire time I am visiting my friend…that I was willing to try to change. Sad, huh?
I have known for YEARS that this was a stronghold. At times I have “dealt with it.” Only to return like a dog to my vomit.
In the past year, however, I have been increasingly convicted that all the diet soda I drink (and you would NOT believe how much I can pack away!) is actually the SAME problem as the problem that got me obese in the first place. Here I am proclaiming across the internet and to anyone who will let me spout off about it in person, that God has redeemed me, freed me, and given me a new relationship with food and my body…and with Him! But MEANWHILE those same sensual indulgences that led me to eat too much food, have been causing me to suck down literally over 100 ounces of diet soda a day on some days! (More often, not quite that much, but the point remains!)
Ok, so when the bible says “All things are permissible…” is it talking about drinking so much diet soda that you could surrender yourself as a human laboratory rat to any scientist wanting to know the effects of over-indulgence of aspartame? Think about it! YIKES!
I was overwhelmingly convicted by 2 Corinthians 7:1: Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
What are some things that contaminate my body? I know for a fact that nutrasweet is not innocuous. If you dare, visit this site. While the author(s) may or may not be Christian, take what is there, research some more and submit it to God. Yikes. I won’t even do that! I just know that I have this gut feeling (conviction) that enough aspartame to call myself a human lab rat has GOT to be “contaminating” my body and the stronghold is contaminating my spirit.
If I am honest…I have used diet soda “help” me “cope” with letting go of food! It has been my “pacifier.” So how much have I really let go of food if I have been clinging ALL THE MORE to diet soda for the same reason that I was clinging to food? I have to remember…food isn’t the enemy. It is my sensual indulgences that are the problem. Unrestrained, anyhow…
In my defense, I have been a soda addict (on and off…mostly on) since college, when a well-meaning study buddy showed me how to guzzle down enough Diet Dr. Pepper to make it through our Botany test prep all night marathons…So it hasn’t been JUST since November of 2006 when I began applying myself to living the principles that God uses Thin Within to teach.
I have gotten way off track of what I wanted to share with you – this has become about diet soda and not about what I intended to write about. I will change plans and go with God in this…
Is the Lord nudging you to join with me in trying to stop drinking diet soda? Ok…reducing your consumption? And those of you doing the “Crystal Light” thing instead…you aren’t off the hook! Same same! Or coffee with sweetener! Tea with sweetener! Do ou know that while you may be doing that which is technically “permissible” (there are no “Thou Shalt Nots” in scripture about drinking coffee, tea, soda OR aspartame!), do you feel convicted that it isn’t beneficial…that you cling to it…like I do…that it is a STRONGhold that is ground God wants you to surrender to HIM? Oh, my heart grieves that I have withheld this from Him so much over the years! And I fear that I will yet return to it, even once I am “successful” now! YIKES!
You see, even though the verse says “purify ourselves from” which implies to be RID of it, I can’t really fathom never having another sip of a diet soda ever again. Even now, I am in the weaning stages of it. I want to make sure I don’t have to have caffeine to make it through my day first. I know God is taking my heart and shaping it and forming it to be more and more willing. Well, I need someone to suffer with me! I hope you might consider offering this to God, too. Any time I insist that it is my right to have something SWEET, it is my conviction that I am demonstrating that I am yet mastered by something OTHER than God!!!!
I have actually been using diet soda to “reward” myself for saying no to food outside of 0 and 5! I feel like all is well if I have my diet soda to enjoy…oh, Lord, forgive me for not allowing YOU to be that comfort.
I guess I will write about homeschooling in California and unexpected fat machinery another time…tomorrow. For now…what will we do about this in our lives? What will I do? I may be giving God my “feet” right now. But my heart is NOT into this. I want to WANT to give this to him…
And to those of you who have been following my journey…will you please forgive me for being a fraud? Maybe not with food. But with the same things…my taste buds. I haven’t surrendered them to God if I still insist on having my way in any respect 100% of the time as I have with drinking diet soda. I really need your forgiveness. I praise God that I have His.
