How you folks doing with Halloween Candy? We didn’t buy any this year, but if we had, I would have inhaled it all last night, I think. Throw it in the trash! Or, if you are like me, throw it in the toilet and HURRY!!! FLUSH!!!!! Then just don’t answer the door when the Trick Or Treaters come! (Aren’t I just awful?) True confession…if I were to throw something in the trash that I knew was causing me to struggle…and then change my mind later about “wanting it anyhow”…I would actually FISH IT OUT OF THE TRASH can!!!! Ok…that is extreme sickness…that is why I said above…maybe don’t just put it in the trash, but put it in the toilet and flush! Is no one else like me? If we had had candy here in the house last night I think I would have eaten it….just because “dangit!” The question someone posted at the TW forums is a good one.. “Lord, what am I feeling right now that I want to feed with food?” I have been praying and been in the Word this morning. I do have a lot of emotions I am feeling. One of my horses, Doc……I am just heart broken. Winters are so hard for him. He is only 9 and he has been like this the entire time I have had him (just before he turned 5), but some times things are worse than others…we live in a mild climate…but he is in such pain even with our 40 degree nights. I wonder when is it selfish to keep him alive and when is it selfish to put him down? And my son has really been establishing himself as a major liar…he is 15 and he is just too old to be a liar…and to blow it off. It is breaking my heart….I fear for his future. An Aspergers man has a tough row to hoe as it is, without intentionally being a liar…how is it that someone who categorizes things into two groups: “all or nothing” “good or bad” “evil and good” can choose YUCK so much??????? (Unless someone ELSE is speaking, then by golly, you better not come near to doing something he interprets as a lie!!!!) There are so many other things…and I realize…these are all the churning feelings that I have that I would be tempted to stuff with food. How on *earth* will stuffing them with food help??? It won’t!!! The enemy loves it when I believe that lie. I learned something about my Heavenly Father today…He is busy working…He does things…and one of them is seen in this verse: 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4a: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…
How can my Heavenly Father comfort me, if I am so busy stuffing my face? Or running from Him? Or busying myself with some distraction intended to numb? (Like computer junk…)
Hoping all of us feed the toilet some candy (or whatever) today and invite God the Father to comfort us in what is *truly* ailing our hearts.
God says that man looks at outward appearance. God looks at the heart. I wish that there was a scale that could weigh the changes in a heart.
Since I have no way of seeing the changes in my heart obectively, I will share the physical stuff:
The scale has nudged down another pound to 152 or so.
I am wearing the size 10 pants I bought (in public no less!)
So, the weight is still down…a bit lower, in fact. When I weighed last November before I committed to this path, I was at 230. Earlier last year I was closer to 250 and going up…
So there you have it. The numbers are out there for everyone to see! I can’t believe I just posted that…but there you go. Size 10 today, size 24s (and busting out of them) in summer of 2006.
You know what, though? The bible says nothing about numbers and size. What I weigh or the size I wear are meaningless. The fact that I use my size and the number on a scale to console myself really tells me something about my heart, in fact.
The truth is, my heart continues to struggle. I wrote the following for the Yahoo group (I have edited it just a bit). I post it here in case it can encourage others, too. ====
It isn’t the BITE of food that is the problem…It is my heart. What is my heart doing? Is it hardening toward God? Do I make a conscious decision to reject God? Is my heart bowing down before the food? Do I lust for a zero (hunger)? Even if I am at a zero…to me I am *not* balanced if I lust for food even if I am hungry or not! I don’t want to be so perverse that I pander after an Oreo Milkshake *or* a salad, one bite, or 3859!!!!
To me, it is about my HEART, not my body size, not the bite or the plate full of food. It is about my heart. (I am a broken record…)
Until I get this, I won’t walk in freedom. Period. It is a matter of time before “things” (my clothing size, my weight) start heading back up again. Do I hate my overeating? Or do I just hate being fat? Do I want God to change my heart? Or do I only want him to change my body and now that it is changed and there really isn’t any more weight to lose, I can check it off my “Do this for me, God” checklist and be on my merry way?
This is all about my heart. Is it given to God or given to food? Submitting to my will and my tastebuds? Impotent in the face of a candy bar, staring down a Snickers as if it has power over me? Or submitting my will and my tastebuds and everything to the power of an amazing all-powerful God who loves me and is at work in me?
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Give yourself to Him…your tastebuds, your thoughts, your body…I know I need to commit to that afresh.
Hi, everyone. The video below may take a while to load. It is a little over 7 minutes long. It is a clip of a friend of mine sharing some thoughts about her body as the temple of God as well as another section on God’s forgiveness. I got permission from Thin Within (and my friend) to share this. Some of the thoughts about the temple may be challenging for some of us to hear, but hang in there–I think it dovetails beautifully with her testimony of God’s forgiveness that follows. I hope you can take the time to view the video. It is powerful. I would love to hear from you about it.
Lord, I am in awe. You have given me an amazing privilege of leading a Thin Within group at my church on Wednesday nights. I thank you for that privilege. You know that I first longed to do that over FIVE years ago. What a wonderful thing it is to know that I am in the heart of your will when I meet with these wonderful ladies. THANK YOU for this privilege, Lord!
Last night was a treasure to me. As we molded and shaped a “pinch pot” made of clay and thought about how you have molded and shaped each one of us…that you made and formed us to be containers for your glory…I was just so touched again that you would give us such a privilege. Thank you, Lord! As our own fingerprints were all over the surface of our own pots, your fingerprints are all over each one of us, too. It is evident that a Master is at work. Thank you, Lord!
I commissioned the ladies to carefully wrap up their pots with cotton and cups so that they could get them home without allowing harm to come to them…no marring, scratches, dents, dings or without being smashed. Sometimes our own bodies we treat with such contempt that we end up hurt and wounded. Help us to care for our bodies as we each took such care to wrap our pots so they could be protected. We are stewards of our bodies. They are not our own to do with as we please.
As each lady sees her clay pot at home this week, may it be a reminder that you have made her special…may she be moved to praise you that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. May she find herself rising to the call of caring for her body in a manner that honors it and demonstrates a sense of the high calling she has received from You, Lord.
Well, about a week after I had “put away” my scale, I DID get it out again for a few days. I reasoned through the why of it…and came up with some really good reasons why it was ok…but after a few days, I decided I wanted to deal with it for sure. LOL!
So…I went on ebay and ordered a pair of jeans in my favorite style and brand…one size smaller than I have been wearing…and the ones I wear right now are baggy…not very effective for keeping on top of my size.
The jeans arrived and I have NEVER worn a size 10 in my life. They fit! In fact, on my birthday (Monday, the 15th), I wore them for part of the day. I don’t know that I would wear them in public yet, but I did wear them to meet with a friend at her house. When I went on a horseback ride, I changed as it is really miserale to ride in jeans that aren’t a bit “forgiving!”
All that to say…I put the scale away again when the jeans arrived over a week ago and haven’t gotten it out. I don’t feel the pull any more. I know that these size 10 jeans will give me a sense of if things go down a bit yet, stay the same and if I hop off the bandwagon, these jeans won’t fit at all.
Truthfully, though, God is showing me some important things as I prepare for my group on Wednesday nights. Leading others through the book is so encouraging to me! I love it! And God is doing yet MORE work on me.
In the chapter that addresses the bathroom scale (chapter 6), the contrast is made between focusing on the bathroom scale and focusing on the hunger scale. Truthfully, when I submit my will to the Lord and the hunger scale, eating between the parameters of hunger and satisfaction or 0 and 5, I have no question in my mind that leads me to want to jump on the bathroom scale! I mean, this is a no brainer. It is only when I know I have been eating outside of those parameters that I want to see if I have gotten away with things and “just how bad IS it” or something like that.
More and more, God is enabling me not to “fudge” in my eating like I was doing pretty regularly. It is becoming less of an issue.
That is NOT to say that my heart has been changed. I still LUST for a zero like the best of them and still WANT food and still MOURN when I can’t have it…I mean, really…it is like being a baby sometimes, the little temper tantrum I am prone to have as I “deny myself” yet again. I hope that there will be a time in the future when I won’t feel this like a denial, but just a normal way of life…I know there are lots of other areas of greed that the Lord wants to ferret out and eradicate.
I am thankful that He is growing me so much, even if, at times it is painful.
The above photo is from the November 1995 issue of Women’s Day Magazine. I had “lost” 81 pounds, but I found them again…and lost them again…and found them again…and lost…well…no matter, you get the gist.
I am confident that THIS IS A NEW THING God has done and is doing in me! He is dealing with the heart issues. Please, if you haven’t yet read the entries I have placed here the last few days…do…God is bringing conviction to my heart. This journey is all about the heart. If the heart isn’t treated, the weight will pile back on.
Such “fame” and “glory” evident in this photo from 12 years ago…yet, until last November, ELEVEN years later, I didn’t surrender my HEART.
PLEASE…don’t be as stubborn as me. I am a repentant rebel and hoping that as God changes me more and more that the “rebel” part will be total, absolute HISTORY!
The message that I have heard in these notes from those of you who have listened to Crystal’s gluttony talk is this:
We have fallen under the conviction of the Holy Spirit for our sin of gluttony!
And while some of us may be at various places in releasing the weight that is evidence (sometimes) of one overindulgent choice upon another, the truth is, many of us still lust for food and wish we could get away with eating more…This is still sin.
Rather than live in condemnation, which may be typical fare for us, let us apply equally the other truths Crystal said to us. I quote her here:
“I know that we all have sin and we all fall short and we all have idols and acknowledging that is crucial, but God doesn’t stay there and neither should we. Psalm 103:12 says as far as the east is from the west so far does he remove our transgressions from us…Jesus died on the cross so that our sins and our idols are not the end of the story.”
Thank you, Crystal, for that reminder. Oh, dear woman of God, if you are out there and you catch wind of the work God is doing amongst Thin Within participants, please email me! I would LOVE to hear from you and be an encouragement to you if that is possible! Press on!
Hebrews 12: 1-3 says:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
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Let’s ALL do that, shall we? Let us throw OFF everything that hinders, including the self-condemnation which Crystal pointed out also stands as an enemy to the cross of Christ. Let us throw off the sin that entangles us. The sin of “just one more bite” or of minimizing “This won’t matter that much…”
The Lord will empower His children to obey His will if we surrender in the moment. I have seen this in my life and no one is a greater rebel than me…
Let us fix our eyes not on our sin, not on what we must leave behind, but on JESUS.
He SCORNED the shame! Let us do likewise! If you have shame, scorn it…reject it, refuse it!
