More thoughts on Chapter 4 of Get Thin Stay Thin by Arthur and Judy Halliday… ========
A grace-oriented approach is risky precisely because it does evoke our body’s natural responses…”0″ is an important place to begin. Your body will begin to speak to you if you stop keeping it muffled and numbed by stuffing it with food. The emotions will come up, and they will need to be acknowledged and addressed in light of God’s glorious grace. GTST, p. 91
As I look back on our mini-vacation last week, I wondered about why I fell into some old habits and patterns–especially while being on the road. Highway 50 up over the summit is narrow, windy and the drop off on one side is steep. I was extremely anxious on our way going even though the weather was cooperative. Could it be I was so nervous merely because my husband was driving? My thoughts of “I need to eat” as we traveled baffled me.
It wasn’t until I got home and was thinking about things in retrospect that I realized…Lake Tahoe is the place of a lot of childhood memories for me. Many of them sad, some scary. I have memories of being on that road in the back seat of our Avanti, terrified as my dad drove recklessly and under the influence of alcohol. No wonder I felt like a scared little kid again on Wednesday as we made our way to Zephyr Cove! In many ways, I *was*.
I did think to ask the Lord to help me to feel my anxiety and fear and to allow him to be my comfort. In the car, I had few options, certainly. I want to do this throughout my day today…to attend to my feelings and emotions that rise up, rather than numb them with food or time on the internet.
When we stop eating for all the wrong reasons and follow the principles, waiting for our “0,” the body speaks and the desires and intentions of our hearts are revealed. GTST,, p. 92
I want to grow and mature in Christ. Allowing myself to feel is an important part of that so that God can move in to those feelings and heal them or show me what HE desires I do with them. Oh, I see this is such a vital part of my spiritual formation! I don’t want to short-circuit this process with food or anything else!
Through grace, with our assent, our desire begins to be transformed. Energies that once were dedicated simply to relieving ourselves from the pain now become dedicated to a larger goodness, more aligned with the true treasure of our hearts. GTST, p. 92
Oh, Lord, help me to allow myself a chance to feel today–to experience what it is like to be me in present time. Then, help me to bring these feelings to you–for healing and wholeness…and holiness. Lord, I want to be able to be an extension of your love and grace to others. When I am so self-absorbed it is nearly impossible to be aware of the needs of others. I lift this up to you. Lord, I choose today NOT to silence my “silent hunger” with food or with distractions of the internet. Today, I choose to feel and to bring whatever I have to YOU. Thank you that you receive me, that you love me, that your grace is enough for me. In Jesus I pray, Amen.
From October through the end of December, I reported daily to my accountability partner using a report form that was rather stringent. I found that I chafed somewhat…it threw me back a bit into a dieting mentality. For years I couldn’t use any of the tools in Thin Within. A couple of years ago, I began to be able to use some of the tools with freedom.
During the holidays of 2008, however, I saw a shift in my thinking that was definitely not God’s plan for me!
So during January, I stepped back from that and got unstructured in my accountability. This hasn’t been quite right either!
Below is a new “form” I am trying. It is a happy medium that I hope will work for this leg of my journey.
Date ____________________
Time
Start #
End #
Observation
Correction
Comments:
—————————–
You are welcome to use this as well if you like. 🙂 But be sure you have the Lord’s “go ahead” on it.
The first column “Time” is self-explanatory.
The second, “Start #” refers to my hunger number on the hunger scale. “0” is physical hunger that I have learned is an ache or gnawing sensation just below my sternum. It isn’t a sound, a “growl,” as I can have those sounds when I am digesting food! “0” is definitely EMPTY…physical emptiness and need for nourishment!
The third column, “End #” refers to where my hunger level is on the hunger scale when I stop eating. “5” is defined as physically satisfied, but for me, it is easiest to stop at the right moment if I consider “No longer hungry” that place. It is a place where the discomfort of hunger has been removed. If I eat more slowly, I can eat a bit more. So often I eat too fast (I am working on this) and it takes the stomach 10 minutes or more to signal the brain it has had enough food!
The fourth column is “Observation.” This is where I dispassionately observe my behaviors and beliefs during my meal. (Yes, ANY time food is eaten, it is a “meal.” Even a “snack” is a “meal.”) For instance, “I ate too fast,” “Got distracted” might be observations.
The fifth column is “Correction,” and it directly relates to my observation column. It is the practical thing I will do to avoid whatever behavior or belief didn’t agree with my goal to honor God with my eating and drinking.
This is a short video clip that my daughter took of me going down our saucer run while we were at Lake Tahoe this week.
I wish I could describe all that I feel and think when I see this video. There is so much here.
I know I said it already…So many years I saw them off. I spent the vacation times at home while the family went up to the snow to have fun…I chose to stay home instead of trying to shove my body into warmer clothes and to labor climbing up the sledding hills in the thinner air and higher elevation. I didn’t want the humiliation that I felt being so self-conscious…and I couldn’t see how putting my body through so much work could be fun for me. I was so out of shape. The humiliation and shame of how I looked and that I would be embarassed…well, it all tormented me.
So I just told the kids and hubby I would hold down the fort at home and take care of all the animals, have some quiet time alone and all would be fine.
For years I missed out on so much.
Now, Daniel doesn’t enjoy the snow as much as he did when he was younger. It won’t be long before my babies are grown up and off on their own with other things to do than go with their folks to the snow or play on saucer runs.
I chose to miss it.
Please, reader…don’t miss living because of weight or your self-concept. God has more than that for us! He wants us to LIVE! If you are tempted to give in to isolating because of shame or whatever the reason…don’t do it. Don’t let the enemy win. The battle is worth the fight for a million reasons.
Hi, everyone. We are on vacation in Zephyr Cove in South Lake Tahoe. The internet connection is unreliable–so no blogging for me!
Here are a few pictures…hopefully the internet connection will last as I upload!
A snow angel! Aptly named as this is my 14-year-old daughter, Michaela…an angel, herself! 😉
There wasn’t much snow when we came up here, but we managed to carve a saucer run in between rocks, bushes, trees, and fallen logs–things that would normally be covered in a dozen feet of snow! Oh well! In the above picture, I am careening down the hill…waving as I come!
This is the man I love pretending to be a moose. 🙂
For years, I refused to go on these snow trips with my family. My weight and self-perception totally hindered me. I love that I can join them now and have a blast with them–even if the snow doesn’t cooperate!
I wish I hadn’t waited to live. I missed many years of enjoyment with my family by allowing my sense of value be determined by my weight…
I did an amazing study yesterday in The Search For Significance.
It occurred to me that many might be encouraged by some of the truths that I discovered…so I share with you some of the questions and verses and pray that God will lead anyone who does this study to His truth.
This is justification. If you want to be encouraged as I have been, look up the following passages, and ask the questions:
1. What is “justification?” 2. How is it accomplished? 3. How does it affect me now? What are the results of justification? 4. What was my condition before God before hand?
Romans 3:9-28
Romans 4:4-8
Romans 5:1-11
2 Corinthians 5:21 <—a great one…
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Colossians 1:22
Colossian 3:12
Hebrews 10:14
Hebrews 10:17
Ephesians 2:1-3
Titus 3:7
After studying these passages, respond to this: According to God, I am completely forgiven and am fully pleasing to Him.
True or false? Can you support your conclusion with scripture?
When we rehearse, replay, ponder over our past sins, does it do any good? Does it do harm? What does it say to God about how I feel about what HIS word says about my past sins?
If I were to truly believe what these passages say…if I were to embrace and believe for all I am worth that God has completely forgiven me and is pleased with me, how would it affect my choice in this moment?
The upshot is, I don’t stand before God just forgiven–though that alone would be an amazing truth! It is more than just a “clean slate” a sort of “neutral standing” with God.
No…there is so much more–I stand before God as righteous…right NOW.
To me, this is where it is so clear that grace doesn’t lead to sin. It leads to my absolute gratitude for all God has chosen to make TRUE about me! I *want* to give my life and my choices to Him. I want to be obedient to what He says to do. Grace leads me to want to honor Him.
Our silent hunger will persist unsatisfied until we can see ourselves not through the eyes of the world, but through the eyes of our loving Lord. Get Thin Stay Thin, p. 102.
Lord, help us to see ourselves through your eyes, to believe what YOU say is true of us. I know that this will radically transform my life…in the moment when I make a choice…Help me to live aware of the blessings that are mine. Help each one here to do so as well. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
“…rarely expect to achieve anything or to feel good about themselves. Because they have failed in the past, they believe their present failures only show how worthless they really are. They often become extremely sad and stop trying because they fear more failure.” The Search For Significance Workbook, p. 26
I was so convinced that keeping the weight off was merely a “fluke” after all the years/times I lost weight only to regain it. The two months of indiscretion that resulted in this current weight gain merely confirmed the lie that I have embraced as truth–that I will always be fat and will always fail at keeping weight off. The shame and sense of failure has resulted in wanting to eat more–the fat machinery. (Journal, 2-05-09)
Practical things I now choose to do to combat some bad habits that have resurfaced and to also help me to be more conscious:
Setting my timer for an afternoon quiet time…even if only a few minutes to be sure I am quiet before the Lord again.
Renewed commitment to the Keys to Conscious Eating (called “The Principles for Weight Mastery” in the Get Thin Stay Thin book).
Cutting my portions in half like I used to. Even if my portions seem small to me right now…if I am hungry again later, I can eat, but right now, I need to offer what I might normally eat as an offering to the Lord. I certainly won’t starve. Unlike others who have commented on the blog, I don’t mind eating smaller portions frequently if that is what it takes.
Any time I eat, lingering a while with hunger to assess if it is truly physical hunger. Even if I put off eating for 5 minutes and sit still with the Lord about it…that can help me to see if this is really hunger or not.
PUTTING THE SCALE out of the house. My clothes are a really good indicator to me right now if I wonder. I will be comfortable again in my Levis 🙂 if I release weight. But it isn’t like I don’t *know* if I am lying to myself about my eating. I know if I am eating according to hunger and satisfaction. I don’t need a scale to tell me and I don’t need even my clothes to tell me!
Drinking only water. For years I drank diet soda…no calories and all that “great” taste. I can’t switch to sugared beverages and not expect it to have an effect. I am trying to develop my taste for water. This is hard for me! 🙂
These are the practical things that the Lord has led me to do.
But the things that are harder to measure…like “I will process what is really going on…” I will do that, too. This blog is part of that, my journal is, giving myself permission to make my quiet time include this stuff instead of just studying the scriptures (which I love to do)…These things are vital, too.
Under grace we have the freedom to err, knowing that we are always cleansed by the blood of Christ. This keeps us out of legalism and the distorted thinking that says, I must eat this; I can’t eat that; I did it right; I did it wrong; I was good; I was bad. Such thinking is part of the diet mentality that keeps us focused outward instead of inward, where the spiritual battle of disordered eating must be won. Get Thin Stay Thin p. 90
Some mistakenly think that TW teaches that we can sin all we want–that this is grace! This is NOT the case. The truth is that because of the amazing grace of the Lord, I want to respond in obedience. My salvation isn’t dependent on my obedience. It is unbiblical to think that it is. It is by grace I am saved, through faith and even *that* is a gift of God so that no one can boast!
But when I DO err, this very grace that brought salvation to me is available to me now as well…Like Joe Donaldson said recently on the TW forums, grace isn’t something that is a one time event for salvation. It is there moment-by-moment. God extends this grace freely to me–not that I might sin, but also that I might not wallow in self-condemnation! How self-indulgent it is to beat myself up! He calls me to lift my chin, lift my eyes, and move on! To allow His forgiveness, purchased on the cross of Christ with His broken body and spilled blood, to wash over me…
A grace-oriented approach is risky precisely because it does evoke our body’s natural responses…”0″ is an important place to begin. Your body will begin to speak to you if you stop keeping it muffled and numbed by stuffing it with food. The emotions will come up, and they will need to be acknowledged and addressed in light of God’s glorious grace. GTST, p. 91
I want to grow and mature in Christ. Allowing myself to feel is an important part of that so that God can move in to those feelings and heal them or show me what HE desires I do with them. Oh, I see this is such a vital part of my spiritual formation! I don’t want to short-circuit this process with food or anything else!
